Saturday, 27 April 2013

Happy Single People Are Magnets To Their Opposite

I have many friends who are single. Some have been single for sometime others a little less and no matter whenever we get together you can guarantee the topic of conversation that they always get around to is, how miserable life is at the moment with no one special in their life. Seriously, it does appear to me that there is a common belief that being single is a transitional state and that finding a partner completes everything in life. Maybe it will although being in a relationship never guaranteed anything, especially when it comes from a need.

I believe that when you are single there is a reason for this. Just because you say you want to be in a relationship does not mean you are ready for one. Think about it if it was as simple as wanting you would be in a relationship by now. So what is stopping you and please don't say it's because there is no one out there. The last statistics I read said there are about about 7.6m singles over the age of 16 year of which 2.5m were aged 45-64years and the split of male to female was roughly half. So what is your reason?

What is happening in your life at this moment in time that stops you moving forward? Could it be that in some small way you are not prepared to give up your independence or what ever else I it is that you will have to change when you allow someone to share your life? And trust me it will. Maybe you hold on to the fantasy that your knight in shining armour is simply going to appear. Now you know that only happens in fairy tales (and they are not real). Or could it be something else?

The thing is when you are serious about finding that special someone no amount of hoping will make it happen. It's time to start acting and thinking differently. We plan our education, careers even our holidays and yet with something as important as a relationship most people leave this to chance!

So, do you feel you are missing out because you are single? What would happen if I asked you to think the opposite. How good would it feel to know that being single is exactly the right place for you now and that your status is a great opportunity for you to be able to focus on yourself and experience the freedom that you simply struggle to find when you are in a relationship. Let me elaborate...

In a relationship there will be times when you will choose to give up and compromise, which is fair because being with someone means respecting their needs too. Let’s say you are setting up a new business; decide to train for a marathon or simple spend time on yourself working out what you want from life. Any of these actions requires you to be more than a little selfish. Being single gives you the permission to be just that. It gives you time to do a little self-caring. A time for you to consider what you can do differently to help you have the life and relationship you want. Can you imagine how great your next relationship will be when it comes from the position of want and not need. In spending time planning that's exactly what you will find.

It is sometime since I was single but there have been times in my marriage when I have wished I’d had time to think about just me. This may seem a little selfish to some of you. I tend to consider it self-caring and I feel when I look after me everyone benefits.

In my previous life (I call life before becoming a life coaching this) my office won a pot full of money. It was enough for the whole of the office (8 of us) to book a weekend away in Spain. Yes, I know some prize! Well, I thought long and hard about going even thought about giving my place to someone else because doing something simply for me had never really crossed my mind Tha's before I knew better!

It was my hubby who convinced me to go (he probably wanted time to himself too - lol) He promised me that he could cope and it was really only for two nights. Reluctantly, I decided to go and it was one of my best decisions – being on my own (well, no family or partner in tow) was so liberating I could sleep, eat and drink when I wanted, I was able to sit on the beach without the worry of who had a t-shirt on or who had washed off their sunscreen, bliss! In fact the only person I needed to consider was myself. It was during this time that I realised that I was no longer happy with my current career and it was time to move on. Having the time to think rather than being preoccupied with everything else in my life was a huge benefit to me and something that I now make time for.

This was a very powerful experience for me and I will encourage any single person to appreciate and use their single status as an opportunity.

Be happy to be single. Celebrate your life and to put careful thought into the choices you make.

Be proud of being single and enjoy the freedom and flexibility it brings. You are in a position to enjoy life as you want, where you want and how you want. Have fun with it:-

Embrace opportunities that come your way. Treat life as an adventure and grab it with both hands. Being single can be so much fun if you allow yourself to take part. Whether you choose to build your career, start a new business, go climbing up Mount Everest or simply sit alone in a coffee shop and read a book have fun with it.
Develop yourself. What have you put on hold until the right one comes along? Perhaps it’s time to start doing some of those things now, travelling, learning a new skill, socialising.
Know what you are looking for if you don’t who will?
Start a picture board and add alll things you are attracted to - people, places, activities, anything and everything you like. Put the board up where you will see this often and add things whenever you find something more.
Be Confident – confidence is extremely attractive. Ask yourself what makes you special.
Be proactive – Push your comfort zones. Start taking the initiative to make sure you are attracted to the people you want in your life. Put yourself out there and find ways to increase your opportunities.

You can plan your future in your own unique way. You might find the uncertainty of what comes next a little scary. Scary is a good emotion to have. Use the adrenaline it generates to support you in pushing through your comfort zones, use the people around you that you love and trust to help you and make things a little easier.

I guarantee that when you enjoy your single life and put some careful thought into planning what it is you want you'll become an absolute magnet for that special person you have pictured for so long and all because you stopped looking and started living.